On Learning to Love My Body

OUTFIT DETAILS
Blazer: Super Thrift | Top: Victoria’s Secret | Skirt: Thrifted | Scarf: Vintage | Hat: Amazon

I’ve grown up having a love/hate relationship with my body.

As a kid, I remember being fairly skinny despite eating three full plates worth of food every night for dinner. I credit it to having a fast metabolism and the fact that we had to run three laps every day in school for P.E.

As a teenager, things started to change. Puberty hit, and looking back, I was still conventionally skinny, but I remember whenever we saw our extended family, my aunts and uncles would always comment on how I was “pudgy,” “big-boned,” and how my love handles were sticking out. While it hurt my feelings, I never really did anything to try to change my body.

In college, the “Freshman 15” didn’t scare me - in fact, getting to eat at a buffet every day was a treat! In the span of a few months, I didn’t gain the Freshman 15… I gained the Freshman 30. A year later, I went on my first cruise with Kevin’s family, and again, the thought of getting to eat unlimited food was exciting for me. I gained another 10 pounds. And when we got home from the trip, I was the heaviest I had ever been, weighing in at 160 pounds.

My confidence started to deteriorate. My clothes didn’t fit anymore, and I felt disgusted with myself. I stopped wanting to be in photos because I was too embarrassed by my weight. I decided to do something about it, and spent months on a treadmill, successfully losing 15 pounds throughout the process. I vowed to myself that I would never let myself gain weight like that again.

Well, joke was on me, because fast forward to present day, and I’m heavier than ever, weighing in at 175 pounds. Blame it on my emotional eating habits, my boba milk tea addiction, or heck, the pandemic alone, but despite all of that, I learned to love my body. When I realized that my body has done so much to carry me and keep me healthy, I knew I had to stop being so hard on myself and cut the negative self-talk. It’s sometimes still a challenge, don’t get me wrong, but it’s improved a whole lot since.

I am trying to get better about exercising in 2022, not so much to lose weight, but because I’ve been feeling really tired and lethargic these days, and I don’t always want to be so out of breath after going up a flight of stairs. I’m also trying to cut down on my boba intake and increasing the amount of water I’m drinking, and I’ve noticed that my cravings have lessened since. I’m a few weeks into this lifestyle change, and already I am feeling so much better. I’ve been getting on the treadmill for an hour-long workout three to four times a week, and it’s getting a little easier to get through.

I hope that one day I will be in a relationship with my body that is full of love, and only love. It’ll still take a little bit of time, but I’m glad we’re moving forward together in the right direction.

xo,
Keshia